Constant Changes

For the last few years on my birthday, I've tried to take some time to reflect on the past year of my life. But for whatever reason, this year I find myself thinking about the last ten years of my life. Maybe because I met Tim almost exactly 10 years ago, at my 21st birthday party. Or maybe because this is first year where it feels like the past decade was an entirely adult span of time.

Whatever the reason, here I am thinking about life at 21 as compared to life at 31. There are some constants. Good friends, loving family, copious amounts of cake, squeal-inducing presents. But perhaps not surprisingly, the differences are more striking. No alcohol, two different careers, a husband, a house, two dogs, an almost two year old and an almost ready to be born Ewald in utero. Those are the broad strokes, the obvious differences that actually comprise a whole world of changes unto themselves.

If I recall correctly (and I may not!) my 21st birthday party was a kegger at our college apt. So there's another similarity between 31 and 21. Ha! Just kidding. It's a funny thought though, trying to imagine our Rochester friends with our gajillions of kiddos all gathered around a keg. It would have to be a keg of Capri Sun. Something tells me those don't exist. (A quick Google search confirms my suspicions here though there are a surprising number of people who think this would be an excellent idea.)

We actually kept it very low key this year, but it was exactly what I wanted. Tim and I went to dinner in the Cities while Addie stayed the night with her Grandpa and Lita. That was on Saturday. Then on Monday (my actual birthday), I had a nice lunch with some friends, and lots of sweet phones calls, texts, and facebook messages from friends and family. Tim brought Greek food home for dinner and we enjoyed some family time, including watching the first episode of Mad Men after Miss Addie went to sleep. I've been wanting to watch that show for a while, but we have exactly ZERO time to watch television apart from sports and kid movies, so that was a treat in and of itself. I'm sure we'll watch episode 2 sometime next year. If then!

So here I am, 31 years of age. Not even on the cusp of my 30s anymore, but firmly in them. It's sort of strange because when I was younger (say 21, for instance) my 30s seemed so old. I assumed I'd probably be married and I'd have some kids, a job, a house, you know, all the trappings of adulthood.

But mostly I thought I would feel differently from myself at age 21. That I'd have different interests and different views and different tastes. The kind of transformation where the opening of a new Target would be more interesting than the opening of a new wine bar. And in some ways, that's true. The Roc doesn't need any more Targets (we have Target north AND south, thanks very much) but the opening of a Trader Joe's was kindofabigdeal here. As in, police directed traffic in and out for the first weekend it was open. And perhaps I was part of that madness. As to wine bars, I know where they are in Rochester. I just don't get to them very often. Certainly not every Thursday night, as might have been the case a decade ago!

My habits are certainly different, my day to day life is totally different, and yet somehow I don't feel like I'm that different in my heart and mind. When I really think about it, of course I've changed a lot. But I still feel like...myself.

And that's my big life lesson from the last ten years. Whatever you become, wherever you go, as long as you can recognize yourself, it probably means that you're happy. In fact, an unconventional definition of unhappiness might be that you look at your life and don't know how you ended up there. Sometimes that happens to folks for reasons beyond their control, and sometimes it's the result of bad decisions along your life's path. But I guess the biggest gift of all ...birthday or not...is looking at your life and feeling happy that you're in it and that you are the person that you've become.

I'm not trying to suggest that my last ten years were completely smooth sailing or that I've now become the best person I can possibly be. Like everyone, I've made mistakes and I'm sure I'll make more! But that's part of growing and I think that's OK. I'm happy to be a work in progress.

I hope that ten years from now, at 41, I'll look back at my life and think about how different things are and how much I've changed. But I hope I come to the same ultimate conclusion that I reached at 31. That the changes were mostly good, that my decisions were mostly sound, and that my blessings were abundant and most of all, that I will still feel like myself and be happy about that.

And if some things are very different, some things might be the same. Maybe on the morning after my 41st birthday, I will hear my children getting up and decide that a breakfast of milk and dark chocolate covered peppermint JoJos is OK once a year. :-) That's the kind of constant I can celebrate!