Note: I originally wrote this very early Friday morning, on the 23rd of December.
So I’ve somehow ejected my Wireless LAN card and I can’t figure out how to “re-ject” it, which is mildly irritating. But I’m mildly irritated by lots of things these days, ranging from an inability to get a good night’s sleep to overly repetitive holiday songs.
In fact, I'm mostly irritated by everything right now. I feel like I have a split personality, hence the title.
I have my moments where I calmly sip raspberry leaf tea (meant to stimulate labor, thank you, Nicole!) and rock on the birthing ball (thank you, Laura) and page through my kindly texts and emails (thank you, many people) and read positive birth stories and feel really Zen and patient and lovely.
OK, actually that only happened once.
Mostly, I'm irritated. How long can one woman walk around at 4 cm dilated and have NO BABY?? Apparently a long time, folks, Four weeks and counting, to be exact.
It’s about 4:15 AM here and I’m just hanging out on my birthing ball, contracting away. Again. Probably fruitlessly. Again. You see, I’m having what experts like to call a “prodromal labor” and laypeople like to call a “hellish” labor.
This all started Sunday evening. For six hours, I had powerful but irregular contractions. I charted them and it was something like 8 minutes apart, 12 minutes apart, 2 minutes apart, 6 minutes apart, 14 minutes apart. You get the drift. In addition, and this might be TMI, but really, modesty is pretty much beyond an overdue woman, I was puking, poo-ing, shaking uncontrollably, and experiencing terrible back pain. Around 1 AM I ended up in the shower, hoping for some relief, only to find that my legs actually wouldn’t hold me up and that sitting was too painful. I wedged myself into a corner in a half crouch and cried. And I don’t remember the last time physical pain made me cry. Probably when I was in labor with Addie? Point being, it was a long time ago and I haven’t really felt that ill in a loooong time.
All of this activity finally ceased, leaving me weak and exhausted. The whole next day I couldn’t eat and I was so tired and sore you would think I’d run a marathon. Had I gone into “true” labor then, I would have had nothing left to work with…even walking up our half flights of stairs in our split level home left me dizzy and sick. Tuesday I felt good again…able to eat, to do a few simple chores, to face the thought of labor with some eagerness….only to repeat the same experience Tuesday night. Weds was awful again and Thursday was good. And now here I am again. Thankfully the back pain and nausea are gone. I can’t sleep through these contractions but I have an appointment this morning where they intend to strip my membranes. So maybe that will really kick start things. Please God, may it kick start things.
This usually happens because baby is not in a good position for birth. Labor wants to start, but something is holding it up. Little E2 is head down and mostly in the right position…or he/she was as of last Friday….but it’s possible that this little one has a hand over its head….or is doing a downward facing dog in there….something is just not quite right. So. Here I sit.
My saving grace is that my mother and youngest sister have made it into town. My dad and brother were also supposed to be here, but my dad has some kind of terrible virus and his doctor asked him not to travel. My brother stayed home with him. That’s really sad for us, but it was the right thing for both of them to do. Dad has had two hospital admissions in the last few months for serious reasons each time, so I am glad he’s staying home to get well. And at the very least, Mom and Jordan can play with Addie and keep her entertained. She was so bored with me earlier in the week, because my parenting really maxed out with an endless stream of movies and desperate prayers that she would sleep for a really long time at naptime.
Speaking of sleeping…of course that little minx would choose THIS week to decide that her crib is no longer an acceptable bed. You just have to laugh. Ads is making sure that we don’t forget about her even in the midst of all this labor drama.
This all started Wednesday at naptime. I put her down and heard her making a huge ruckus but I thought she was kicking her wall, which used to be her favorite form of protest if she didn’t want to lie down at that exact time. Well, normally we go in and reprimand her for doing that, but I was just too tired to move. I slipped into a mild coma and woke up when Addie did, about two hours later. I went into her room and my mouth literally fell open. She’d done an excellent impression of “angry rock star in a hotel room” and trashed the place. EVERYTHING was thrown around…all her stuffed animals, the diapers, the wipes, the carefully packed bags for baby and Ads….it was all strewn around in an impressive display. And in the midst of the chaos, surveying everything with a satisfied look and a carpet imprint on one flushed cheek, was Miss Adelaide.
Oh, boy.
Since then I’ve gone into her room after each naptime and bedtime, to find various tokens of protest scattered around and an indignant toddler sacked out on the floor in some uncomfortable position. And once I found an indignant toddler hanging precariously from the second highest shelf of her bookshelf and declaring “I’m fine…I’m fine…” in an increasingly panicked tone of voice.
Oy.
She does have a toddler bed and once our visitors are over with, we’ll make the move for Addie. But for now, we just have to monitor her “falling asleep” activities with unusual vigilance.
Little does Addie know that there is NO danger of her being overshadowed. The kid is cracking me up these days. Her new favorite phrases are always being employed to humorous effect. She wanted the pen I was writing with, and I said “Addie, no, I’m using this right now.” To which she immediately declared “Mommy! Share!” And on the same day, she grabbed my coveted Cherry Coke away from me and I said “Hey, Addie, don’t do that. Let me have my drink back.” And she imperiously demanded “How you ask?” She’s definitely two and IN CHARGE…or so she thinks. We’re of course trying to curb her excesses without showing our laughter too much. But it’s difficult to keep a straight face. She’s sassy.
My contractions are fading out now...of course(%$#)...so it's back to bed with me. I hope the next time I write it will be to tell our birth story!
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